24hr Rule…
I first heard about this rule when my son was playing Rep hockey (very Canadian of me, I know). It was our first team meeting with the coaches and parents where they went over the time commitments and responsibilities of the families as well as the boys. After my shock of the life I was giving away to hockey, I was again able to pay attention to the words the coaches were saying.
One of the topics raised was conflict resolution. The coach said that inevitably there would be decisions made by the coaches that will upset either the players, the parents or both. This is the nature of competitive team sports. He went on to say that although the coaches make the rules, they are open to fielding complaints from the parents, but we must all live by the ’24 hour rule’. This meant that we had to wait at least 24 hours after an incident before discussing it with the coaches.
Interesting concept. It was the first time I had heard about that as a life skill. It wasn’t until later in the season that I saw the value of it. We had an incident where the regular coach was away for a family commitment and one of the assistant ones was running the bench (that’s a Canadian hockey term for – decides who gets to play and when). My husband and I were at the game – I believe we also had extended family members there watching. What did we get to watch? Our son ready to go and get skipped over shift after shift. I think he played a total of 2 minutes that game. We were furious, mortified for him and our hearts were bruised. Of course, we wanted to run down to the locker room at tear a strip off of the coach. It was a mid-season game! The boys were 11 years old! There weren’t NHL coaches there! How could they do that to our little boy?!
Well – 24 hour rule! We were hot and bothered for the rest of the day! It was the only thing we could think about – through that hot red haze – you all know what I’m referring to. A funny thing happened the next day – the heat went away. The red went away. The issue didn’t, but we were able to speak and think much clearer about the issue. We did still speak to the regular coach about it – I think it may have even turned out to be a bit of a mistake coupled with that assistant coach’s opportunity to really play his own kid. But…
The situation really stuck with me and it is one that not only my hubby and I live by, but we have passed it as a lesson to our kids. You really need to give the emotional side of a problem time to subside to allow your head to work. Our hearts are stronger than our heads – we all know the clichés that back up that statement – ‘the heart wants what the heart wants…’.
By instituting the 24 hour rule for a conflict it allows you to be your best and smartest at resolving it. Sometimes you wake up the next day and are just as upset, but still able to more clearly dissect the problem. Sometimes – you wake up the next day and actually don’t care anymore about whatever it was that was ending the world the day before – the other side of the situation can be enough to diffuse you. Those situations are the biggest wins – who needs extra drama and conflict! Give this rule a try! You really won’t regret it!